5 Ways to Prepare For Your Pet’s End of Life Journey
If you have a pet that’s getting older or maybe has a terminal illness, and you still have some time together, there are some things you can do to help yourself emotionally prepare for their passing.
Anticipatory grief is the grief we feel before an impending loss. We might experience fear, guilt, anger and desperation. It can feel like panic and overwhelm, and it’s easy to shut down and not want to do much of anything.
If you can be mindful of this period and acknowledge what’s to come, you can make a plan to maximize your time together and know you did your best to preserve their memory for your future self.
©KME Photo
#1 - Bucket List
Make a list of your pet’s favorite things and activities, and things you haven’t done yet but would like to do before they pass. Consider your pet’s condition and be realistic with how much they can do (and enjoy doing) in the time you have left. Now might not be the time for a cross-country road trip if they’re very sick or hate riding in the car.
Bucket list items don't need to be epic adventures, they can be as simple as “eat ice cream” or “visit my best friend.” If they can’t travel, have the friends and treats come to them at home.
The point is to carve out quality time together, doing things you both love. Remember, your pet’s most favorite thing is probably just being with you, so maybe put “cuddle on the couch” on the list, and check it off as often as you like!
#2 - Make Their Mark
When pets die, veterinarians and cremation companies will often create paw prints and give you clippings of their fur to keep. It’s a wonderful service, but how much more meaningful and fun would it be for you to do some of those things together, while they’re still around?
You can make your own paw prints on paper with non-toxic ink, watercolor, or acrylic paint. It can be a bit messy, so have cleanup supplies ready to go.
Or search for “clean touch” paw print kits online, where your pet just has to press their paw on a sheet and the ink is on the inside. I tried those and they work ok, just be prepared to go through a couple before you get a really good imprint.
You can also buy clay paw print kits or make your own with air dry or oven bake clay. If they’ll let you make an impression of their nose, that can be cute too. Of course, clean any clay residue off their paws and fur.
A quick tip for reluctant pets: my dog, Gracie, wasn’t doing well with me trying to press her paw down, so I lifted her front end up a bit and let her put her own weight down on the one paw I was trying to imprint.
Clipping some of their fur is easy with sharp scissors. If your pet has multiple colors, be sure to get a little bit of each one. Gracie had some longer, curly fur on her neck so I was sure to clip a couple curls as well.
#3 - Write Everything Down
Working through the loss of a pet often means a ton of your memories together start to replay (both good and bad, unfortunately) and one way that I needed to grieve was writing them down. I worried that as time passed I would forget some of the happy, funny, little moments that were replaying, so I wrote them down.
Writing one memory down can have the added bonus of triggering other memories, and before you know it you’ll have pages and pages of a written record of your life together.
What you do with that is up to you; you can share some of it with those who knew your pet (and ask them to add their own memories!), post it on your social media or blog for the world, or keep it totally private. The important work of actually doing it is done.
#4 - Take Pictures + Video (and organize them!)
You’re probably already taking a million photos of your amazing friend, but start to be more purposeful in your picture-taking. Focus on the little things that make them unique, and the physical attributes that you never want to forget. Take closeups of their paws, their fur, their whiskers, their eyes. Take videos of them smiling, playing, chewing a treat, giving kisses.
If your phone’s camera roll is anything like mine, it’s a huge jumble of pets and nature and people and buildings and screenshots and whatever. Do yourself a favor and make an album of just your pet so you can actually find and enjoy all these photos! On iPhones, you can actually search for “dog” or “cat” and make your life even easier. It won’t find all of them, but it’ll give you an easy starting point for selecting and moving into an album.
Of course, in addition to your own pictures, I highly recommend working with a professional photographer to create some really special photos of you with your best friend. There’s nothing quite like having a beautiful photograph showing the relationship you share with your pet. Seeing yourself physically touching your pet will elicit stronger memories of that interaction and help you “feel” their fur again, even years down the road.
#5 - Get a Grief Buddy
This one might sound weird, but it can make the process so much easier. If you have a trusted friend or family member who understands your deep bond with your pet, ask them if they’d be willing to help you when the time comes.
A Grief Buddy can be a shoulder to cry on, a second opinion on how your pet is really doing, and someone to do the hard things if you can’t.
For me, making the phone call to schedule the in-home euthanasia was when I broke down. I could barely get the words out, it was so “final.” And scheduling the cremation wasn't any easier. Having a grief buddy who could make those calls for you might ease the burden a little bit.
Same goes for driving anywhere: to the vet, to the cremation place, back home from those places, etc. When you’re emotionally fragile, driving a car probably isn’t the best thing you should be doing. If a friend can manage tasks like that for you, it can be more manageable and even much safer.
Afterward, your Grief Buddy could also help you put together a little memorial table of your pet’s favorite things, or maybe clean up their food dish, medications, etc. Don’t throw anything away, wait until you’re in a better place to make those decisions, but they could help with some of those things you might know should be done but can’t quite do them yourself.
If you don’t have anyone you can trust to be your Grief Buddy, you could try making some preparations ahead of time. Talk with your vet about how difficult it might be for you to make that phone call, and maybe they have an option for texting or email instead. If you don’t feel fit to drive, many cremation places will come pick up your pet and might even deliver for an additional fee.
Bonus #6 - Professional Consultation
Kind of like a Grief Buddy, but with 30 years of professional experience behind her, Dr. Karen Randall offers consultations to help you evaluate where your pet is at right now, and guide you in making the best decisions for their care.
One of the worst feelings during anticipatory grief is worrying whether you’re making the right decisions. With My Pet’s Advocate, you can move forward with more clarity and confidence, and know that you’re giving your pet the best possible goodbye. Her online consultations are available to anyone, anywhere. MyPetsAdvocate.com